Uzumaki: Computer Nerd
by PointsLeft
Summary: Naruto, on his quest to find a working computer so he can totally school Shino in their favorite game. Alternate Universe.
1. Don't Even Try

**So no, I don't own either Naruto Uzumaki or Breaking Benjamin. Those would be owned by Mushashi Kishimoto and Breaking Benjamin, I believe. Well, whoever they are, they aren't mine.**

Naruto scowled. He moved the mouse left; the cursor went right. He moved the mouse down; the cursor went left. He moved the mouse further down; the cursor went up. He moved the mouse into the monitor at high velocity; the cursor disappeared with a fizzle and a puff of smoke. Naruto let loose a triumphant roar.

"YEAH! Who ya' messing with now, mousey! Who-" the blond one cried, only to realize that despite his apparent victory, he was now down one computer monitor and mouse. His victorious grin dropped into a look of dejection and disappointment. Naruto had planned to spend the entire night playing "Nin-Halo" with Shino before finally getting an account on "Ninja World of NinjaCraft" with Choji.

"Now I'll never catch up to Choji," Naruto muttered, leaning back in his dumpster-acquired computer chair. "He's gotta be, like, level forty by now."

Young Uzumaki ambled down the stairs of his apartment complex, emerging onto the dusk-lit street. Slouched over, hands in his pockets, he proceeded northward with a sort of dejected determination. Naruto was one who was often down, but never out. He knew what he planned to do, and darn it, he was going to do it. He turned a corner, dragged his feet a few blocks down, and rounded the bend. He stopped at the door, waited a moment, listened. No sounds. He knocked, waited, nothing. Satisfied, Naruto jiggled the handle. Locked. He looked around, bright blues piercing the red dimness. The second story window was unlocked and partially open. Naruto grinned.

With a loud crash and a rain of shattered glass, Naruto landed back-first in Sakura Haruno's bedroom. He had over-estimated the force required to propel him into the window; he had only meant to land next to it and let himself in quietly. _Notes for tomorrow_, Naruto thought. _Work on aim._

Naruto lifted himself up onto his feet. He noted the girliness of Sakura's room, even in the dark. Very pink. But more importantly, a NinDell personal computer sat intertwined with an old, oak computer desk. Naruto grinned, chuckled deviously, and tiptoed over to the computer. From within his pants pocket a copy of "Nin-Halo" was produced.

_Hee hee, _he thought. _Sakura must be out for the night. I'll install, kick Shino's butt in five minutes, be ought in a snap. Sakura'll never even know I was in her... in her..._ Naruto gulped, slowly turning his head around. He pulled on the draw-string of the desk lamp, flooding the room with yellow light. Pinks and whites met his gaze. Soft, silky sheets and fluffy toy animals. _I'm in her..._

"I'M IN SAKURA'S ROOOOOM!"

"Yo." Shino's voice, but all Naruto saw was darkness. Something moved, something was on top of him. Objects shifted. A light! Naruto sat up, cardboard and coffee grounds falling from his head. He was in a dumpster. His left cheeked burned, and for some reason he could only see out of one eye. He wasn't sure which one.

"Wha- ...What happened?"

"You didn't show up for our session last night." Shino was outside the dumpster. Was that a hint of _hurt_ in the bug-man's voice? Naruto could never tell entirely, since his face was obscured by collar and glasses. Also today Naruto was seeing blurry doubles. Shino helped him down out of the trash and held him erect.

"Y-yeah," Naruto replied. He began to limp forwards, out into the street. Shino continued the physical support. "Sorry. My computer broke."

"So you snuck into Sakura's house to use her computer, fell asleep on her bed clutching several pieces of her clothing, and once she returned home she found you and tossed you out an entirely seperate window than the one you broke."

Naruto stopped, blinked. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's a... really accurate description."

Shino pushed them forwards. "I could hear it from my house. Sakura is a very loud woman."

"Yes," Naruto agreed. "Yes she is."

The pair continued their slow limp towards Naruto's apartment, only stopping so Shino could- as far as Naruto could tell- mutter profanities at a flower arrangement. "Aphids," is all Shino would grant in explanation.

Naruto flopped down on his couch. "Thanks, Shino." Shino remained silent. He quietly positioned himself in an old recliner across the room.

"OK," Naruto thought out loud. "Where am I going to get a computer monitor and mouse? Kiba, Choji, Shikamaru, and TenTen all have their own computers... maybe I could...."

"Store." Shino said.

"Ptth," replied Naruto. "If I had the money."

"Job," Shino helpfully suggested.

"Ohnononono. No. The only jobs for Naruto Uzumaki are A: Hokage, and B: Space Tyrannosaurus Assassin."

Shino remained silent. Whether this was habit or dumbfoundment was anyone's guess.

"And anyway," Naruto continued, a devious grin growing on his face. "Why would I need to buy one... when I could _steal_ one! Yes, yes..."

Shino remained silent. We're this an anime, he thought, a single sweatdrop might appear on the back of his head. He knew where this was going. A pair of bugs skittered up his neck and plugged earbuds into his ears.

"Shino!" Naruto cried as he leapt to his feet. "We're gonna-"

But all Shino could hear was Breaking Benjamin.


	2. Planning Phase

"OK," Naruto's brow furrowed in thought. He paced, as was his custom. "Ninjabots?"

Shino broke another egg on the rim of the frying pan. A ray of sun softly shone through the window, illuminating the bug-man's omelet-in-progress.

"I mean, yeah. Yeah!" Naruto stopped pacing to clear his throat. "Ninjabots, _roll out_!"

"No," replied Shino. He tossed some spinach into the pan.

Naruto scowled and resumed pacing. "Alright, alright... Oh, I know! Nin-vengers!"

Naruto had been trying to resolve the crisis of a name since eight o'clock that morning. At this time, it was ten, and Shino was dangerously close to breaking out his earbuds. He chose to at least make some breakfast for himself, utilizing what little Naruto had in his fridge; eggs, milk (with the expiration date suspiciously rubbed out), spinach (strangely fresh), and peppers. Naruto refused to rest despite his heavily-bandaged wounds, and paced the room in his boxer shorts. Shino had folded his own coat on the back of Naruto's recliner, revealing that he actually wore a black sleeveless top underneath the behemoth of cloth that usually obscured his form. Shino's hive remained diligently inside his body so as not to disturb their host.

"Nin-vengers, _assemble!"_ Naruto cried, striking a heroic pose atop his couch. There he paused, savoring the moment, before falling backwards onto the sofa. "I like it," he said. "Has a ring to it. _Assemble!_"

Shino folded his omelet onto a plate. "Forks?"

"Third drawer on the right." Naruto replied, stroking his chin as he continued inwardly gloating at his own brilliance.

Shino rummaged through the drawer, looking for the seemingly cleanest fork before sitting himself down in the old recliner. Slowly, he cut through the egg with the side of his fork, and lifted the bite-sized morsel to his mouth. Yep, that milk was way gone.

The plan was simple. The Ninvengers would sneak into the local Ninja Circuit City at approximately zero-one-hundred hours, Standard Eastern Time. Shino would cloud the security cameras with swarms of bugs to imitate video static. Meanwhile, Shikamaru Nara would use his talent to transform shadows into physical forms to slip past and deactivate any laser defenses. Thus given necessary space, Chouji Akimichi would use his body-enlarging talent to stretch across the room and deliver the monitor of choice into Naruto's awaiting hands.

"Insects don't look like static," Shikamaru said, beginning to count the problems on his fingers. "It isn't a museum so the potential for laser security is nil, and even if there was, Chouji's role is pointless since we could just walk across anyway. And you don't do anything in the plan."

Chouji and Shikamaru leaned forward with eyes locked on their blond host, petitioning him for response. Naruto's eyes darted nervously the group of three that sat in his apartment.

"I- um, it..." Naruto pouted. "Alright, genius. What's your plan then, since you don't like mine."

Chouji was first to speak. "You could always get a-" Shino shook his head.

Shikamaru sighed. He leaned back into the raggy couch. "It's a drag you lost your monitor, man. But stealing just sounds too... bothersome. Too risky. Already got enough of a record 'round here."

Naruto scratched his head. "You don't hav-"

"Talkin' about you."

"Oh."

"You gonna finish that omelette, Shino?" Chouji inquired, having spied the eggy treat. Shino shook his head, and with a childish glee Chouji nicked the breakfast.

Naruto sat cross-legged on the hard floor. A near-silence enveloped the group, as the only sound in the tiny apartment was Chouji's digestion. Shino tapped his foot to a song in his head. Shikamaru stared blankly at the clouds out the window. Naruto scrunched his face in concentration. Chouji savored the fine peppers and spices Shino had added to his omelette.

Then, Shikamaru spoke. He spoke hesitantly, considering the weight of his words, or perhaps just wondering if he was about to get himself into yet another something that would end with the four of them sharing a jail cell for three hours. Though this time he doubted Shino and Chouji would be dressed in leiderhosen.

"What... what if we were to help you get enough cash to buy a monitor?"

Naruto's eyes lit up. Everyone in the room shifted a little, leaning forward into the circle.

"Whatcha thinkin', dude?" Chouji asked.

"Something awesome, I bet." Naruto grinned. "Money for Naruto is always a good plan."

"OK," Shikamaru said, stopping with his hands in front of his chest. He tried to form exactly what he would say next. "We could hold a little... carnival... thing."

"Carnival-thing?" came the collective, cynical response.

Shikamaru nodded. "Yeah. It- I know it sounds weird, bare with me here. We set up a couple boothes, do a couple tricks for money, con people until we get enough to get Naruto his monitor."

Collective eyebrows were raised.

"This sound really..." Naruto began. "like a _drag_." Shikmaru promptly flipped him the bird.

"I dunno guys," Chouji said as he rubbed his chin, the enthusiasm in his voice rising. "This sounds like it could be fun. I could totally do a bake sale."

"And it'd be a chance for me to get creative," Shikamaru agreed. "Shino?"

Shino shrugged.

"Ehh... doesn't sound... cool enough." Naruto said. "I mean, sounds kinda hackneyed, eh?"

"I didn't know you knew the word 'hackneyed,' man." Shikamaru smiled.

Naruto grumbled.

"Look," Shikamaru continued. "It'll get you your monitor, you get to have fun. It'll work, and hopefully this time it won't involve thirty foreign pizzas."

"Still paying delivery bills." Shino said.

Naruto rocked in place. "Ehhhh.... alright. Can I still call us the 'Ninvengers?'"


End file.
